It's not them, it's you
Unpopular Opinion

It’s Not Them, It’s You (Unpopular Opinion)

Warning! This post might not be very popular, but I think it is important to still say it. Do you find that you’re often in conflict with others? Do you have a hard time maintaining employment, friendships or intimate relationships? Are you always at odds with everyone else? If so, take a good long look in the mirror. What is the common factor in all those situations? It’s you. The problem is not with everyone else, I hate to say it, but the problem is you.

If everywhere you go, it feels like a war zone and if it appears that everyone else has a problem with you, maybe it’s time to consider that there may be a legitimate reason why this is so. You may be creating a negative atmosphere by your words or actions and the reactions you are receiving from others may very well be a direct response to them. Newton’s Third Law of Motion states that “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” If you put out negative energy, you will also receive negative energy from others. Similarly, if you treat people poorly, they will reciprocate and treat you poorly also.

In a previous post about mistakes, I talked about the importance of learning the lessons from past experiences. If you find yourself in the same situation over and over, it may be worthwhile to do some self reflection. Ask yourself, “what can I do differently?” Examine the situation from the perspective of the other person/people. What would you do if you were in their shoes, how would you react to you? 

If you operate in the same way every time, you will get the same result every time. So, if you are unhappy with the result, then you need to change your behaviour. Now, I am not suggesting that you should become a people-pleaser or a doormat for other people, nor am I suggesting that you should dim your light to make other people feel less insecure, but if everywhere you go there is strife, then you really need to accept the fact that you are the problem. Everybody else cannot be wrong all the time! While you may have good intentions, you may not be going about them in the best way. Unfortunately, others can’t see our intentions, they can only see your actions.

Humility is an important character trait. Nobody likes arrogance. If you can humble yourself enough to actually introspect, you may discover some hard but important truths. Once you are able to see yourself the way others see you, you can make the choice to change the behaviours that lead to the constant conflict. Your relationships with others will improve and you may also find that you are happier.

Good luck.


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Be on Time

May 30, 2021