not a popularity contest

It’s Your Life…Not a Popularity Contest

Today I’m going to talk to you about something near and dear to my heart- the misguided notion that people have to like you. Listen, your life is not a popularity contest and it’s perfectly ok if people don’t like you. You are a unique individual and you don’t like everyone you meet. So, it’s natural that not everyone you meet will like you. That is perfectly fine and you shouldn’t worry about it.

Society teaches girls to “be nice” from early childhood. Consequently, this sometimes leads girls to believe that they have to go out of the way to make people like them. This results in many unhealthy behaviours, which carry forward into adulthood and cause many problems for women in life. Some examples of this are people-pleasing or getting into and remaining in unhealthy relationships.

Please know that it is not your job to make people like you. Be your authentic self. Those who are meant to be in your circle will be drawn to you as you are. You have to be ok with the notion that there will be people who will never like you, for whatever reason. You can try to win them over with your “niceness”. Unfortunately, you will be wasting your time and will only end up frustrated. Remember, your life is not a popularity contest, it’s perfectly fine if some people don’t like you. Personally, I am a believer in the phrase “knowledge is power”. Actually, I prefer to know when people don’t like me; it means I know who is in my corner and who will not have my back.

To be clear, I am not suggesting that you should be deliberately unkind and hateful to others. Absolutely not – quite the opposite! I believe in living by the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” Always treat people with kindness and respect. However, what I am saying is that when you have done the right thing and have remained true to yourself, if people don’t like you, then it’s perfectly ok. No need to go out of your way to try to woo anyone’s affection towards you.

In a professional setting, as long as you and your colleagues can treat each other with respect, it shouldn’t matter whether or not you like each other. Years ago I had a situation at work with a colleague who didn’t like anyone, it seemed. The feeling was mutual as the rest of us didn’t like her at all either. My other colleagues were worried about the toxicity that was developing. I, on the other hand, was unconcerned. I told them “I’m not here to win a popularity contest; I’m here to do a job. As long as you do your job and I do mine, we don’t have to like each other to work together. It helps but it is not a requirement.” 

I once read a quote that said “what other people think about you is none of your business”. I couldn’t agree more! So don’t be caught up in the liking or disliking, just be yourself. My parents taught me to be respectful to everyone. They also taught me to be honest and to treat everyone the way I would like to be treated. Once you do that, people may not like you but they will respect you. The rest will take care of itself. 



March 18, 2021 at 4:23 pm

Such wonderful words of wisdom. I applaud the hard work that went into writing these posts and have been enjoying them. Keep going!!!!

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